Excerpts from some of my pieces titled with the actual symptoms of major depressive disorder.
1. Extreme physical fatigue
This can be so extreme that getting out of bed can be quite draining.
I know that your skin bleeds at places where people have nailed billboards displaying how lazy and hopeless you are and you don't have enough strength to take them down so you just stare at your phone trying to ignore those wounds. (I won't ask you "how are you ?")
It rained heavily, it dripped through the impaired ceiling of my room, it turned acidulous when it mingled with the 'Brownian's' I get tired of shrugging, it stung, it burned. In no time, I witnessed my skin melting, evaporating, and setting up as coarse clouds over my head. (walls of my home are shifting)
2. Appetite changes
They took refuge inside my body of flesh and bones yet she was their luscious host.
She used to stuff me with food every day, to feed them enough, to stop them from devouring her. She was afraid that she'll die if i didn't eat, and I cried because I'll die if i did. (Uproot my demons.)
Lying on the kitchen floor, all empty, I tried to calm my pangs; my dermis with chills from the limestones, this etched the marble floor black, which now, is imitating and mocking my smudged kohl (read ~ failures). (~Walls of my home are shifting.)
3. Heart palpitations
My heart and it's unbidden palpitations were like the last piece of coal in a dying fire. I still remember how she made me scribble the cacophonies of deafening conversations she had with them which i failed to decipher. My fingers used to pass out and bleed ink. She used to scratch my skin to reach the demons that resided within but always ended up pulling and tangling her self and never them.
(~uproot my demons.)
4. Emotional shutout, social cutoff
I'm struggling to open the doors and the windows, they have imbibed all (read~ loathe and solace) the liquor that traveled my cheekbones, and now their frames can no longer fit them in. All my shredded pieces tried to escape but ended up aligned at the foot of already jammed doors. Now the air carrying the smell of folks I hanker for won't find it's the way in.
(~walls of my home are shifting.)
5. Unpredictable mood swings (even without any source of the trigger )
I know that every emotion that rises through you eventually boils down to sorrow and burns your soul while you yearn for your self in the corners of your room, forgetting that this world is a sphere.
(~I won't ask you "how are you?" )
My walls have developed cracks and gaps, and I don't know if I should worry about filling them up with all the synthetic hoax or i should let them bloom flowers whose nectar my thoughts (read ~ swam of bees) could reach for following the honeyguides on my body (read ~ nerves).
(~Walls of my home are shifting .)
They gripped her so securely,
their indissoluble roots chocked her with each gasp.(~uproot my demons).
So during the day you let every voice suppress the meek voice in your head or you either choose to let sleep overpower your hyperactive brain to just escape the aisle but what about the night when the world sleeps, then how do you lower those peaks, how do you shut your bawling mind when it doesn't let you close your tired eyes. ( how ?)
By Aditi Singh